Discontent

Lately I have been bitten by the snake of discontent. My thoughts are constantly consumed with if I only had this job, or if I only had this house, or this much money, or this many friends. Then my thoughts go to my heart and I start to feel inadequate in this world. I let my mind take over my heart and I start to believe I am just not doing enough. If only I could do more to make my life better and then I will be happy. And oh am I so wrong.

It's so easy to find something in my life to not like. I don't even have to look hard to find something to complain about. Because I am incredibly sinful and I am desperately in need of grace. But the lord always brings me back from this spiral of discontent and shows me his grace and mercy. Whether it is talking with my husband or dear friends, reading his word or listening to sermons. Then I realize how easily it is for me to spiral down this emotional road. When I do not fill my heart and soul with the only thing that can kill discontent I find myself feeling very depressed in a society that finds happiness in success. My heart feels the pull of living in this world that is not my true home. 

I know that even if I have the best job for me, and I absolutely love it I still will be unhappy if my heart and soul are not grounded in the truths of Jesus. 

I know that if I lived close to all my best friends I would still be unhappy if my heart and soul are not grounded in the truths of Jesus.

I know that if we lived in an incredible house with all the latest appliances and gadgets I would still be unhappy if my heart and soul are not grounded in the truths of Jesus.

My heart longs for something. It longs to be loved, to belong, to have a permanent home. My heart longs for my saviour. Who loves me more than I will ever know, who brings me to himself despite my sin, and who is making a permanent home for me in heaven. When my heart feels the pull of sin and the plague of discontent I must remember Jesus. The promise and truths of Jesus, that despite my doubts and unbelief Jesus still loves me, he still went to the cross, died a horrific death so that I may come dwell with him. He frees me from the shackles of my sin and lived the perfect life that I could not. And when my heart wonders and I feel the curse of this world, he brings me back to himself where my heart and soul can truly rest. 

Prone to wonder lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart oh take and seal it 
Seal it for the courts above.

Lighthouse Thanksgiving

We had a great thanksgiving filled with family and fun. It's so refreshing to be around people you love and care about.

What am I truly thankful for?

So how often do I really truly think and say what I am thankful for? Not often enough

There are so many things that I am thankful here on this earth.. I am so thankful that the lord has blessed me with godly parents. That they love me even through my awful angry girl years, which to me is true love. They have provided for me immensely and have loved me through it all. I am thankful for my dads hard work ethic that has set a great example for me to work hard for the lord. I am thankful for his sweet demeanor and his love for his 3 girls. I will always be your baby girl. I am thankful for my sweet mama. I am thankful that she loves my picture texts of all the food I make. I am thankful for her crazy spirit and her willingness to sacrifice for her girls any day. Mostly, I am thankful for the way she loves others. The way she cares for her sister has really shown me how to love others before yourself.

I am thankful for my two sweet sisters. My sisters, best friends and sisters in Christ. I love the way we laugh all the time when we are all together. The way we get each others stupid jokes. The way we get so excited on christmas day still, and just clap all the time. I am most thankful that the lord blessed me with two christain sisters. You two have been such a wonderful example for your baby sister. The way you love Jesus and serve him has been a blessing for me to watch. I look up to both of you more than you will ever know. I always want to be just like both of you. I love you both Amanda and missy my sweet sister friends.

My sweet husband, I am so thankful for you. I am so thankful that I was blessed with a man that loves the lord more than he loves me. I am thankful that the lord brought us together in RUF. I love the way you care so much about other people, Your passion for the ministry, your laugh, your love to cook. I am thankful we are in charlotte, pursuing our dreams. I love that both of our visions and dreams have come together to be our dreams. I love your crazy family. There love for me and you has been such a blessing. 

The list goes on, I am thankful for wonderful friends, for a job, for a home, for electricity, and.of course my sweet dog Bella. I am thankful that my hope lies in the lord and what he has done and not what I have done. Because really life is just not fun sometimes and it's not easy to remember that the lord is soveriegn.  

Ultimately I should be thankful that Jesus Christ died and went to the cross so that I am made righteous in his site.  I must remind myself of this truth everyday. I am thankful that this world is not my true home, that I can put my hope in a world far better than this. For a place where my heart will be filled with pure joy,where my tears will be no more, suffering will not exist and I will be walkingwith my savior. I have been really thinking about what it will be like to be with my father in heaven, I really cannot even fathom it. I cannot fathom that I will not worry anymore, I won't cry anymore and I will just worship my savior and my soul will be satisfied. What a day that will be when I see my savior face to face! But for now, I am called to be here, to love people here and to grow to be more like Jesus here and I am thankful for that. 

Jesus paid it all

Jesus Paid It All Hymn

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”
Refrain
Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.
For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim,
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.
Refrain
And now complete in Him
My robe His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest.
Refrain
Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.
Refrain
When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
Shall rend the vaulted skies.
Refrain
And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down
All down at Jesus’ feet.

Why don't I get it?
That Jesus paid it all, so all my fears, worries and crazy obsessions can stop. I know Jesus died on the cross and it is finished. But my heart still longs to do better and I feel like a failure when I fall flat on my face quiet often. I am not remembering that the day Jesus died on that cross, he really did pay it all. And I have to remember by "all" he means my past sins and my future sins. And I also have to remember that I have done nothing and will do nothing, which hits at my pride problem. The more I am learning and thinking through my life and the gospel, the more I learn that through every sin and aspect of my life the gospel applies. I know it seems elementary but really for me to realize and actually apply the gospel to things in my life I really would rather not is a big step for me. It's part of my sanctification, and really it sucks. It is so hard to change your ugly sinful habits, and thankfully I will not and cannot do it on my own. But I often tend to forget that and try to do it on my own without prayer and trust, and I get angry and just start those sinful habits again and it's usually worse. so my prayer this Sunday afternoon is that I will remember Jesus paid it all, and for that reason alone can I repent and rest. I pray I can apply the gospel to those hard places in my life where it's almost easier to just leave alone because it is so hard to change. But thats not what my lord wants, he wants me to run into his arms where I can find comfort and rest. I pray this week I will really work on these things and not just have it be something on paper. Even though I am more sinful than I will ever know, I am more loved by my heavenly father than I ever dare imagine.

Tybee time

This weekend we visited Tracey's parents at tybee island
We saw his parents
His brother and sister in law
Sister brother inlaw and our nephew
Brother in law and soon to be sister in law
And his aunt and uncle
We walked on the beach
Fed turtles
Went to a Greek festival
Ate a lot
Drank pumpkin coffee
Enjoyed his parents church
Watched a crazy guy jump from really far away
Watched a lot of football
And just really enjoy ourselves

I am not my own

How Deep The Father's Love For Us

How deep the Father's love for us, How vast beyond all measure That He should give His only Son To make a wretch His treasure How great the pain of searing loss, The Father turns His face away As wounds which mar the chosen One, Bring many sons to glory Behold the Man upon a cross, My sin upon His shoulders Ashamed I hear my mocking voice, Call out among the scoffers It was my sin that left Him there Until it was accomplished His dying breath has brought me life I know that it is finished I will not boast in anything No gifts, no power, no wisdom But I will boast in Jesus Christ His death and resurrection Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer But this I know with all my heart His wounds have paid my ransom This song touches my soul and makes me cringe a little. It brings me humbly to my knees back to the only thing that makes my heart whole, Jesus. I love this song, because I am reminded that I brought Jesus to that cross and I also mocked him, but that cross and that man saved me from that awful state and gave me righteousness. I also know that this hard long suffering life is the same hard suffering life Jesus endured. I often tend to forget that Jesus did suffer. It wasn't a pleasant death, it was a brutal beating of a righteous man. And because of that suffering he knows our pain during our suffering. He knows our ache and he knows our utter longing for something sweeter and better. And because he died that death we are able to long for that day he comes back and opens up the heavens and wipes our tears from our eyes. He will make all things new and he will mend this very broken world. I think this song also touches into my pride problem I have. It's so hard not to boast when you succeed. But if I am really being honest the only reason I am good at anything is because it was a gift from God. So I must take to heart the part that says I will not boast in anything. Really? Not anything? Well that's hard, thankfully we have the holy spirit to help with that. I have found not easily I might add that not boasting in anything, really takes constant work. Constant reminders of the gospel, that Jesus saved you thats why your here. Because Jesus gifted you to be a nurse is the only reason you succeed as a nurse. The christain life is a life of constant repentance and constant thankfulness that we are not our own, but humbly belong to the man who loves us more than we will ever know.

Fall!!

Fall is here and I'm so happy. I picked some apples while I was on a women's retreat with the seminary and I made some wonderful apple recipes. Pumpkin desserts have been made and I have decorated for fall! I made a cute mumkin with a pumpkin and mum. We went to the renaissance fair with some friends. It's been a great start to our fall.

         Apple turn overs