Tracey and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary about a week ago. It is so hard to believe its been a year, but sometimes its also not hard to believe. I start thinking about everything we have been through. We have both started our careers and transitioned into the working world. It has been a year of grace and mercy by our lord and that is the way we have made it through. It has not been a horrible year at all. The best way for me to sum it up is that it was our first year of marriage and our first year out of college.
I was definitely not prepared for the real world, where you actually have to make a conscience effort to make friends, find a church and get involved. You have to work hard to meet people and create a new life for yourself. I guess I just thought we would join a church make friends and be happy and have things to do all the time. Boy was I mistaken. We work a lot and other than that we try and spend what little time we have together doing things meaningful.
Marriage and life has shown me that I am so much for selfish than I ever really knew. Marriage has shown me more of my sin than I ever really thought I was capable of. I think so much more of myself than I ever do Tracey. One of our biggest struggles is our schedules. We pretty much have opposite schedules, and it really does suck. But instead of me crying all the time and throwing a pitty party for myself I should be thankful im married and that we both have jobs. It is so hard to turn away from sin and look to Jesus. Over this entire year I have been struggling with not making Tracey my idol. I have found when I am looking to Jesus for wisdom and grace I am incredibly joyful and thankful. But as soon as I turn away and let my sin take over I become the girl who hates her life. I am so dramatic. I mean when we were engaged I would have done anything to have the life I have now. And of course when I get what I want so bad I cry and hate my life because it's hard. It always seems to happen that way.
Over this year I have been reaffirmed of how sinful I am but I have also been reaffirmed of how much I am loved by my savior. Not because of anything I have done, thank goodness, but because of what Jesus did for me on the cross. I must constantly remind myself of the cross, because that is where I can truly see how much I am in desperate need of Jesus every single day.
