Lighthouse Thanksgiving

We had a great thanksgiving filled with family and fun. It's so refreshing to be around people you love and care about.

What am I truly thankful for?

So how often do I really truly think and say what I am thankful for? Not often enough

There are so many things that I am thankful here on this earth.. I am so thankful that the lord has blessed me with godly parents. That they love me even through my awful angry girl years, which to me is true love. They have provided for me immensely and have loved me through it all. I am thankful for my dads hard work ethic that has set a great example for me to work hard for the lord. I am thankful for his sweet demeanor and his love for his 3 girls. I will always be your baby girl. I am thankful for my sweet mama. I am thankful that she loves my picture texts of all the food I make. I am thankful for her crazy spirit and her willingness to sacrifice for her girls any day. Mostly, I am thankful for the way she loves others. The way she cares for her sister has really shown me how to love others before yourself.

I am thankful for my two sweet sisters. My sisters, best friends and sisters in Christ. I love the way we laugh all the time when we are all together. The way we get each others stupid jokes. The way we get so excited on christmas day still, and just clap all the time. I am most thankful that the lord blessed me with two christain sisters. You two have been such a wonderful example for your baby sister. The way you love Jesus and serve him has been a blessing for me to watch. I look up to both of you more than you will ever know. I always want to be just like both of you. I love you both Amanda and missy my sweet sister friends.

My sweet husband, I am so thankful for you. I am so thankful that I was blessed with a man that loves the lord more than he loves me. I am thankful that the lord brought us together in RUF. I love the way you care so much about other people, Your passion for the ministry, your laugh, your love to cook. I am thankful we are in charlotte, pursuing our dreams. I love that both of our visions and dreams have come together to be our dreams. I love your crazy family. There love for me and you has been such a blessing. 

The list goes on, I am thankful for wonderful friends, for a job, for a home, for electricity, and.of course my sweet dog Bella. I am thankful that my hope lies in the lord and what he has done and not what I have done. Because really life is just not fun sometimes and it's not easy to remember that the lord is soveriegn.  

Ultimately I should be thankful that Jesus Christ died and went to the cross so that I am made righteous in his site.  I must remind myself of this truth everyday. I am thankful that this world is not my true home, that I can put my hope in a world far better than this. For a place where my heart will be filled with pure joy,where my tears will be no more, suffering will not exist and I will be walkingwith my savior. I have been really thinking about what it will be like to be with my father in heaven, I really cannot even fathom it. I cannot fathom that I will not worry anymore, I won't cry anymore and I will just worship my savior and my soul will be satisfied. What a day that will be when I see my savior face to face! But for now, I am called to be here, to love people here and to grow to be more like Jesus here and I am thankful for that. 

Jesus paid it all

Jesus Paid It All Hymn

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”
Refrain
Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.
For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim,
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.
Refrain
And now complete in Him
My robe His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest.
Refrain
Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.
Refrain
When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
Shall rend the vaulted skies.
Refrain
And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down
All down at Jesus’ feet.

Why don't I get it?
That Jesus paid it all, so all my fears, worries and crazy obsessions can stop. I know Jesus died on the cross and it is finished. But my heart still longs to do better and I feel like a failure when I fall flat on my face quiet often. I am not remembering that the day Jesus died on that cross, he really did pay it all. And I have to remember by "all" he means my past sins and my future sins. And I also have to remember that I have done nothing and will do nothing, which hits at my pride problem. The more I am learning and thinking through my life and the gospel, the more I learn that through every sin and aspect of my life the gospel applies. I know it seems elementary but really for me to realize and actually apply the gospel to things in my life I really would rather not is a big step for me. It's part of my sanctification, and really it sucks. It is so hard to change your ugly sinful habits, and thankfully I will not and cannot do it on my own. But I often tend to forget that and try to do it on my own without prayer and trust, and I get angry and just start those sinful habits again and it's usually worse. so my prayer this Sunday afternoon is that I will remember Jesus paid it all, and for that reason alone can I repent and rest. I pray I can apply the gospel to those hard places in my life where it's almost easier to just leave alone because it is so hard to change. But thats not what my lord wants, he wants me to run into his arms where I can find comfort and rest. I pray this week I will really work on these things and not just have it be something on paper. Even though I am more sinful than I will ever know, I am more loved by my heavenly father than I ever dare imagine.

Tybee time

This weekend we visited Tracey's parents at tybee island
We saw his parents
His brother and sister in law
Sister brother inlaw and our nephew
Brother in law and soon to be sister in law
And his aunt and uncle
We walked on the beach
Fed turtles
Went to a Greek festival
Ate a lot
Drank pumpkin coffee
Enjoyed his parents church
Watched a crazy guy jump from really far away
Watched a lot of football
And just really enjoy ourselves

I am not my own

How Deep The Father's Love For Us

How deep the Father's love for us, How vast beyond all measure That He should give His only Son To make a wretch His treasure How great the pain of searing loss, The Father turns His face away As wounds which mar the chosen One, Bring many sons to glory Behold the Man upon a cross, My sin upon His shoulders Ashamed I hear my mocking voice, Call out among the scoffers It was my sin that left Him there Until it was accomplished His dying breath has brought me life I know that it is finished I will not boast in anything No gifts, no power, no wisdom But I will boast in Jesus Christ His death and resurrection Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer But this I know with all my heart His wounds have paid my ransom This song touches my soul and makes me cringe a little. It brings me humbly to my knees back to the only thing that makes my heart whole, Jesus. I love this song, because I am reminded that I brought Jesus to that cross and I also mocked him, but that cross and that man saved me from that awful state and gave me righteousness. I also know that this hard long suffering life is the same hard suffering life Jesus endured. I often tend to forget that Jesus did suffer. It wasn't a pleasant death, it was a brutal beating of a righteous man. And because of that suffering he knows our pain during our suffering. He knows our ache and he knows our utter longing for something sweeter and better. And because he died that death we are able to long for that day he comes back and opens up the heavens and wipes our tears from our eyes. He will make all things new and he will mend this very broken world. I think this song also touches into my pride problem I have. It's so hard not to boast when you succeed. But if I am really being honest the only reason I am good at anything is because it was a gift from God. So I must take to heart the part that says I will not boast in anything. Really? Not anything? Well that's hard, thankfully we have the holy spirit to help with that. I have found not easily I might add that not boasting in anything, really takes constant work. Constant reminders of the gospel, that Jesus saved you thats why your here. Because Jesus gifted you to be a nurse is the only reason you succeed as a nurse. The christain life is a life of constant repentance and constant thankfulness that we are not our own, but humbly belong to the man who loves us more than we will ever know.

Fall!!

Fall is here and I'm so happy. I picked some apples while I was on a women's retreat with the seminary and I made some wonderful apple recipes. Pumpkin desserts have been made and I have decorated for fall! I made a cute mumkin with a pumpkin and mum. We went to the renaissance fair with some friends. It's been a great start to our fall.

         Apple turn overs

Called by the Lord

I have been a nurse for about a year and a half now. I would say that nursing is a very challenging career. It's waring most definitely and it also takes a toll on my heart. I often get the question so why did you go into nursing, or why did you want to be a nurse. So here's to answering that question. Why did I want to be nurse.

In a large group and only a short time to answer I really don't like that question. But as I have thought about it for a while here it goes. Before starting nursing school and actual nursing my answer would have been I really want to help people, and love people during hard times. That is still true but goes to a new level. Now actually being a nurse and really understanding the day to day task I would say I love being a nurse because I get to love people in a way that most don't get the opportunity to do. I get to truly love the sick and be there for them during very difficult times. I get to be a familiar face to them and advocate for them daily. I get to listen to them tell stories about there family or about there sickness. I get to see them brighten up when i simply bring them a gingerale. I get to tangibly do what the lord calls me to do, which is love others before myself.

Yet it is also one of the hardest things i have been called to do. It really is so hard. It is never easy to love others before yourself, and I finally understood that when I started nursing. I am constantly trying to remember why I am doing this career, why in the world did I choose nursing. It is very demanding and super frustrating at times, it wares on my body and my heart. It breaks me down and shows me my sins every single shift. It pushes me so hard I want to cry all the time, I want to literally just throw in the towel sometimes. But then I remember the cross and Jesus. He didnt quit, he didnt stop loving me, he didnt give up. He died a horrific death so that I can live with his grace. So that I can show that grace to my patients. He is using me for his purpose not mine. And I am learning to be thankful for that. When I remember that, my soul can rest and I can be joyful.So I truly believe that the lord called me into nursing to transform my heart for a more yearning and desire to love his people and also to draw me to himself where I can truly rest and be joyful.

Sushi and bang bang shrimp date night

This weekend we wanted to have a fun date night with out spending a lot of money. So we browsed through pinterest and found a bang bang shrimp recipe and decided to make some sushi with it. It was a lot of fun and really tasty.

Happy Birthday AMANDA!

This past weekend Tracey and I drove to Augusta Friday and then went with my family to atlanta to celebrate Amanda's, my oldest sisters, 30th birthday. It was a great weekend. Lots of good food and fun times with my favorite people. It was so good to see Amanda and where she lives.  We are so glad we could celebrate with her.We love you amanda!

Sister weekend

My sweet sister missy came to see us this weekend. We had a great time. The weekend consisted of ice cream, bands, farmers market, Aldi, pumpkin spice lattes, sushi, tomato soup, and church. Oh and we rested a lot and it was glorious.

We love and miss you already!

Labor Day

We went to the Carolina fest today and had a lot of fun.

                                      Before

                                      At the google building

 

Thankfulness

Why is it so hard for me to be thankful?

Because I am more sinful than I will ever know, and it is quite depressing at times. Lately I have really been struggling with being thankful. Thankful that I have a job. Thankful that I have a husband. Thankful that I have a healthy family. Thankful that I know Jesus and he saved me from hell, and the list goes on.  I know part of it is being content with where we are in life. I know it really all boils down to the fact that I simply do not understand the gospel. I do not fully grasp the fact that the Lord is soveriegn and he has provided immensely for me.

When I really sit and think I know I am so blessed. I think about the patients I encounter and some of their lives and I am thankful. I think about families that have lost loved ones and I am thankful. But really I should look at the cross and automatically be thankful. I should be ever so grateful that my savior came and lived a sinless life and took on my sin so that I may be set  free and can be perfect in the lords site. What a thing to be thankful for. It brings me to my knees and really brings everything into perspective. Without Jesus absolutely nothing else matters and I am thankful.

                             And I need to be more thankful for these two

After class snack

Well Tracey and I had a lunch date today so needless to say we were not very hungry for dinner. So, while Tracey was in class I promised to whip up a little dessert for his after class snack/dinner. Healthy I know. Wile browsing pinterest of course I came across this recipe for rice krisy treats.
Reeses pieces peanut butter rice Krispy treats.

                       

Hopefully there good!!

Meet Bella Girl!!

This is my precious puppy, Bella. Yes, you will be seeing pictures of her instead of children since I don't have any. One day, just not today. 

We just live this crazy dog. She sure is a handful but she is the sweetest thing.

                                                 

Seminary begins!!

     

Tracey's books for semester 1 of seminary

                                                               

    Well friends we are in Charlotte, NC where Tracey will be attending seminary school for the next 3 to 4 years. So far we are really enjoying it here. Tracey has survived his first Greek class so all is well. We have met some pretty cool people and I have started work once again as a nurse.

    Adjustments are being made as we begin our new season of life, but so far we see each other a lot more than we did when we were both working crazy hours. Tracey is so much happier and is already really enjoying his classes. It is so nie to see him happy again. The lord is truly blessing us here. I know there will be lots of growing and pruning to do over the next few years, but I do believe the lord has called us here and will truly take care of us. 

   He has provided me with a job at presbyterean Matthews hospital here in Charlotte. I have been on the floor about a week, and I think it is going to be a good fit. I am praying it won't be as crazy as my other job. But I am so thankful for that job now looking back, it has provided me with wonderful experiences.

    Just wanted to give a little update with on our life. I finally figured out how to post pictures so maybe it will be a little more interesting. 

Trace and I on one of our last nights in Augusta 

A year of learning

Tracey and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary about a week ago. It is so hard to believe its been a year, but sometimes its also not hard to believe. I start thinking about everything we have been through. We have both started our careers and transitioned into the working world. It has been a year of grace and mercy by our lord and that is the way we have made it through. It has not been a horrible year at all. The best way for me to sum it up is that it was our first year of marriage and our first year out of college.
I was definitely not prepared for the real world, where you actually have to make a conscience effort to make friends, find a church and get involved. You have to work hard to meet people and create a new life for yourself. I guess I just thought we would join a church make friends and be happy and have things to do all the time. Boy was I mistaken. We work a lot and other than that we try and spend what little time we have together doing things meaningful.
Marriage and life has shown me that I am so much for selfish than I ever really knew. Marriage has shown me more of my sin than I ever really thought I was capable of. I think so much more of myself than I ever do Tracey. One of our biggest struggles is our schedules. We pretty much have opposite schedules, and it really does suck. But instead of me crying all the time and throwing a pitty party for myself I should be thankful im married and that we both have jobs. It is so hard to turn away from sin and look to Jesus. Over this entire year I have been struggling with not making Tracey my idol. I have found when I am looking to Jesus for wisdom and grace I am incredibly joyful and thankful. But as soon as I turn away and let my sin take over I become the girl who hates her life. I am so dramatic. I mean when we were engaged I would have done anything to have the life I have now. And of course when I get what I want so bad I cry and hate my life because it's hard. It always seems to happen that way.
Over this year I have been reaffirmed of how sinful I am but I have also been reaffirmed of how much I am loved by my savior. Not because of anything I have done, thank goodness, but because of what Jesus did for me on the cross. I must constantly remind myself of the cross, because that is where I can truly see how much I am in desperate need of Jesus every single day.