Lately I have been bitten by the snake of discontent. My thoughts are constantly consumed with if I only had this job, or if I only had this house, or this much money, or this many friends. Then my thoughts go to my heart and I start to feel inadequate in this world. I let my mind take over my heart and I start to believe I am just not doing enough. If only I could do more to make my life better and then I will be happy. And oh am I so wrong.
It's so easy to find something in my life to not like. I don't even have to look hard to find something to complain about. Because I am incredibly sinful and I am desperately in need of grace. But the lord always brings me back from this spiral of discontent and shows me his grace and mercy. Whether it is talking with my husband or dear friends, reading his word or listening to sermons. Then I realize how easily it is for me to spiral down this emotional road. When I do not fill my heart and soul with the only thing that can kill discontent I find myself feeling very depressed in a society that finds happiness in success. My heart feels the pull of living in this world that is not my true home.
I know that even if I have the best job for me, and I absolutely love it I still will be unhappy if my heart and soul are not grounded in the truths of Jesus.
I know that if I lived close to all my best friends I would still be unhappy if my heart and soul are not grounded in the truths of Jesus.
I know that if we lived in an incredible house with all the latest appliances and gadgets I would still be unhappy if my heart and soul are not grounded in the truths of Jesus.
My heart longs for something. It longs to be loved, to belong, to have a permanent home. My heart longs for my saviour. Who loves me more than I will ever know, who brings me to himself despite my sin, and who is making a permanent home for me in heaven. When my heart feels the pull of sin and the plague of discontent I must remember Jesus. The promise and truths of Jesus, that despite my doubts and unbelief Jesus still loves me, he still went to the cross, died a horrific death so that I may come dwell with him. He frees me from the shackles of my sin and lived the perfect life that I could not. And when my heart wonders and I feel the curse of this world, he brings me back to himself where my heart and soul can truly rest.
Prone to wonder lord I feel it
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart oh take and seal it
Seal it for the courts above.
