Jesus paid it all

Jesus Paid It All Hymn

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small;
Child of weakness, watch and pray,
Find in Me thine all in all.”
Refrain
Jesus paid it all,
All to Him I owe;
Sin had left a crimson stain,
He washed it white as snow.
For nothing good have I
Whereby Thy grace to claim,
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.
Refrain
And now complete in Him
My robe His righteousness,
Close sheltered ’neath His side,
I am divinely blest.
Refrain
Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.
Refrain
When from my dying bed
My ransomed soul shall rise,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
Shall rend the vaulted skies.
Refrain
And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete,
I’ll lay my trophies down
All down at Jesus’ feet.

Why don't I get it?
That Jesus paid it all, so all my fears, worries and crazy obsessions can stop. I know Jesus died on the cross and it is finished. But my heart still longs to do better and I feel like a failure when I fall flat on my face quiet often. I am not remembering that the day Jesus died on that cross, he really did pay it all. And I have to remember by "all" he means my past sins and my future sins. And I also have to remember that I have done nothing and will do nothing, which hits at my pride problem. The more I am learning and thinking through my life and the gospel, the more I learn that through every sin and aspect of my life the gospel applies. I know it seems elementary but really for me to realize and actually apply the gospel to things in my life I really would rather not is a big step for me. It's part of my sanctification, and really it sucks. It is so hard to change your ugly sinful habits, and thankfully I will not and cannot do it on my own. But I often tend to forget that and try to do it on my own without prayer and trust, and I get angry and just start those sinful habits again and it's usually worse. so my prayer this Sunday afternoon is that I will remember Jesus paid it all, and for that reason alone can I repent and rest. I pray I can apply the gospel to those hard places in my life where it's almost easier to just leave alone because it is so hard to change. But thats not what my lord wants, he wants me to run into his arms where I can find comfort and rest. I pray this week I will really work on these things and not just have it be something on paper. Even though I am more sinful than I will ever know, I am more loved by my heavenly father than I ever dare imagine.

Tybee time

This weekend we visited Tracey's parents at tybee island
We saw his parents
His brother and sister in law
Sister brother inlaw and our nephew
Brother in law and soon to be sister in law
And his aunt and uncle
We walked on the beach
Fed turtles
Went to a Greek festival
Ate a lot
Drank pumpkin coffee
Enjoyed his parents church
Watched a crazy guy jump from really far away
Watched a lot of football
And just really enjoy ourselves

I am not my own

How Deep The Father's Love For Us

How deep the Father's love for us, How vast beyond all measure That He should give His only Son To make a wretch His treasure How great the pain of searing loss, The Father turns His face away As wounds which mar the chosen One, Bring many sons to glory Behold the Man upon a cross, My sin upon His shoulders Ashamed I hear my mocking voice, Call out among the scoffers It was my sin that left Him there Until it was accomplished His dying breath has brought me life I know that it is finished I will not boast in anything No gifts, no power, no wisdom But I will boast in Jesus Christ His death and resurrection Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer But this I know with all my heart His wounds have paid my ransom This song touches my soul and makes me cringe a little. It brings me humbly to my knees back to the only thing that makes my heart whole, Jesus. I love this song, because I am reminded that I brought Jesus to that cross and I also mocked him, but that cross and that man saved me from that awful state and gave me righteousness. I also know that this hard long suffering life is the same hard suffering life Jesus endured. I often tend to forget that Jesus did suffer. It wasn't a pleasant death, it was a brutal beating of a righteous man. And because of that suffering he knows our pain during our suffering. He knows our ache and he knows our utter longing for something sweeter and better. And because he died that death we are able to long for that day he comes back and opens up the heavens and wipes our tears from our eyes. He will make all things new and he will mend this very broken world. I think this song also touches into my pride problem I have. It's so hard not to boast when you succeed. But if I am really being honest the only reason I am good at anything is because it was a gift from God. So I must take to heart the part that says I will not boast in anything. Really? Not anything? Well that's hard, thankfully we have the holy spirit to help with that. I have found not easily I might add that not boasting in anything, really takes constant work. Constant reminders of the gospel, that Jesus saved you thats why your here. Because Jesus gifted you to be a nurse is the only reason you succeed as a nurse. The christain life is a life of constant repentance and constant thankfulness that we are not our own, but humbly belong to the man who loves us more than we will ever know.

Fall!!

Fall is here and I'm so happy. I picked some apples while I was on a women's retreat with the seminary and I made some wonderful apple recipes. Pumpkin desserts have been made and I have decorated for fall! I made a cute mumkin with a pumpkin and mum. We went to the renaissance fair with some friends. It's been a great start to our fall.

         Apple turn overs

Called by the Lord

I have been a nurse for about a year and a half now. I would say that nursing is a very challenging career. It's waring most definitely and it also takes a toll on my heart. I often get the question so why did you go into nursing, or why did you want to be a nurse. So here's to answering that question. Why did I want to be nurse.

In a large group and only a short time to answer I really don't like that question. But as I have thought about it for a while here it goes. Before starting nursing school and actual nursing my answer would have been I really want to help people, and love people during hard times. That is still true but goes to a new level. Now actually being a nurse and really understanding the day to day task I would say I love being a nurse because I get to love people in a way that most don't get the opportunity to do. I get to truly love the sick and be there for them during very difficult times. I get to be a familiar face to them and advocate for them daily. I get to listen to them tell stories about there family or about there sickness. I get to see them brighten up when i simply bring them a gingerale. I get to tangibly do what the lord calls me to do, which is love others before myself.

Yet it is also one of the hardest things i have been called to do. It really is so hard. It is never easy to love others before yourself, and I finally understood that when I started nursing. I am constantly trying to remember why I am doing this career, why in the world did I choose nursing. It is very demanding and super frustrating at times, it wares on my body and my heart. It breaks me down and shows me my sins every single shift. It pushes me so hard I want to cry all the time, I want to literally just throw in the towel sometimes. But then I remember the cross and Jesus. He didnt quit, he didnt stop loving me, he didnt give up. He died a horrific death so that I can live with his grace. So that I can show that grace to my patients. He is using me for his purpose not mine. And I am learning to be thankful for that. When I remember that, my soul can rest and I can be joyful.So I truly believe that the lord called me into nursing to transform my heart for a more yearning and desire to love his people and also to draw me to himself where I can truly rest and be joyful.